This is the story of the smartest thing I have ever, ever done. What makes it incredible is that I was asleep.
At that time in my life I was seeing… let’s call him Ivan Karamazov. (The guy didn’t resemble IK in the slightest, but never mind.) Ivan wasn’t the demonstrative sort. Nor was he the talkative sort. If you asked him a direct question he would grunt. I spent entire evenings with him without hearing him form a complete sentence.
We’d been dating for a few months and I had no idea what he felt about me. Did he think I was pretty? Did he enjoy my company? Did he find me annoying? Couldn’t tell ya then. Still couldn’t tell ya.
This complete lack of communication made me nervous. One night I had a dream about it, in which he wrote me a letter. The body of the letter was bland. It entirely failed to mention me, or his feelings toward me.
But the signature… Ah, that’s the kicker. This is exactly what it looked like in my dream:
*Lack Of Viable Ending
Let’s dissect this. I was nervous about Ivan’s lack of communication and I was unsure of how he felt toward me. My subconscious had him write a letter, but, in keeping with his character, it was vague. He signed it with what would normally be a very clear indicator, "love," but he was using it ironically. And why was it ironic? Because it was actually an apronym.
In my freakin’ sleep I made a play on words. Not just any play on words, but a situationally appropriate play. It embodied Ivan’s feelings and it did it in a (wryly) humorous place in his letter that further underscored his ambiguity toward me.
I suppose if I were really smart I’d figure out how to turn this into money.