Midday Plane to Georgia

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I won’t be posting for a few days.

Oh geeze, that was insensitive of me, springing that on you unawares. Here’s a Kleenex.

[Respectful silence passes]

This time I’ll have a better excuse for my silence than logic problems. I’ll be attending the Electronic Resources and Libraries Conference in Atlanta.

Considering my job title, Electronic Resources Librarian, this conference sounds made for me. I hope I’ll get a lot out of it, though I’m nervous about the other conference-goers. I looked at the attendees and damn near everybody is from an academic library.

What, don’t public and school libraries have electronic resources? (And special libraries, can’t forget special libraries, though I always feel silly saying that. “Special” is a euphemism we use because there’s really not a polite way of saying “severely challenged” or “not very bright.” This can work to your advantage if you’re in a bad relationship but you haven’t mustered the courage to end it yet. “Of COURSE I’m happy with you, baby. I think you’re special.”)

If the other conference-goers are all “the faculty this” and “the students that,” I’m going to pipe up with “homeless people this” and “small children” that. That’ll learn ‘em.

To be perfectly clear, I don’t have any problems with the homeless in my library.

I’m not wild about visiting Atlanta. It’s better than, say, Detroit, but a far cry from Boston or Seattle or Denver. If they had to pick a crime-ridden city, why couldn’t they send us to New Orleans, where our tourist dollars would help them out? Hmmm?

But I’m not really grousing. I get to travel on the library’s dime. (Thanks, taxpayers!)

And maybe I’ll get some toys out of it. As I see it, I can’t be a good Electronic Resources librarian without an iPhone. And I could really use a new laptop. And a new vibrator, which is not a traditional library resource, but think about it: Most librarians are women, and most women are happier with vibrators, so… are you following me? Happier librarians = better service. I’m not saying I’d use the vibrator in the library…

Whoops, time for a tangent. Have I mentioned that I’m not a real librarian? I did the coursework, I wrote my master’s paper, I joined the associations, but I never had sex in the stacks. Most people get around to this in college, but if you’ve entered library school without being naughty in the stacks, you don’t get to graduate unless you take care of that little requirement. Which I never did. I’m a college grad and I have an MLS but I’ve never had sex in a library.

Gotta take care of that someday, just to ease my guilty conscience.

Plane leaves tomorrow afternoon. I’ll try to find some good souvenirs for folks back at work, but don’t get your hopes up. It’s Atlanta. The only thing Atlanta is famous for is severe racial tension, which is notoriously difficult to giftwrap.

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3 responses »

  1. Been waiting to see if anyone else would post a comment about that job requirement. All I can say is that 1) I’m looking forward to getting my degree in April and I’ll have to alert my husband to that unpublished requirement. Wonder what attire I should wear. Hmmm. And 2) I’m so glad his profession — waste water treatment plant operator — doesn’t have such a requirement!Hope the conference was good!

    Reply
  2. Yeah, about that last credit you didn’t get before you graduate. It can’t be with someone you’re serious with. So, Bookish Jet, your husband can’t help you graduate. You will have to find a complete, yet seductive and gorgeous stranger, to ride into the stacks in order to claim your diploma. As for you, Les, <sigh> we’ll graduate you. If you’re too busy to pick up someone and drag him or her back to your biblio-den of iniquity, then grab the ol’ Fun-o-matic and head on over to 612.6 or 683.

    Reply
  3. Oh, hey, Marian, now that last credit is sounding a lot more fun! Not that my husband isn’t seductive and gorgeous. I’ll have to do some shelf checks in the next few months. It’s hard to find these strangers as a cataloger, toiling away in the back room churning out spine labels and bib records.

    Reply

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