Library two point oh my!

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Lots of bloggers pepper their posts with links to external sites. I’m not keen on the practice. Time spent talking about other people is time spent not talking about me. Life’s too short for that kind of thing.

Can’t help myself, though. I have to share this with everyone. It’s the most amazing flash drive ever.

I found it whilst preparing for my talk next week. I’ll be doing a staff training day at a library about four hours’ drive from here.

“Oh, that’s kind of cool,” you think. “You get to talk for an hour or two. Neat.”

Well. Yes. Neat. Except it will be for more than an hour or two. It will be for the whole damn day.

The employees at this library will shut down operations to listen to me, and no one but me, for the whole stinkin’ day.

Listen, I myself wouldn’t want to listen to anybody for a day. If Christ Jesus descended from heaven and wanted to talk for a day I’d get bored. (Probably very quickly, as my Aramaic is rusty as all hell.)

So this week at work I’m putting together the presentation on Library 2.0. I’m trying like mad to think of ways to cut down on my own speaking. This is strange for me. Normally I’m plotting to find ways to hear my own voice. But even I will concede that six hours of lecture is too much, even from me.

Plus I don’t want to ruin the staff training day. I don’t want to be the focus of their resentment for the year to come.

(“Remember that girl they brought in to talk for staff day? That was awful.”
“Uh huh, a total waste of time.”
“Where the hell did they find her? She was, like, fourteen. Tried telling ME how to be a librarian.”
“Let’s find where she lives and throw rocks at her house.”)

Nope, no anxiety here. But for the record, I’m practically twenty-six. Plenty old enough to be the sole speaker at a staff day.

Argarggghhhh.

Right. So. Here’s another link to a site that has nothing to do with me. It’s the Belief-O-Matic. Been questioning your faith? Answer the quiz, and find out exactly what religion you should be!

The B-o-M says that I’m 100% neo-pagan. Groovy. I’m a witch. Soon I will be able to turn my enemies into toads.

A close runner-up is UU at 97%, followed by Mahayana Buddhism (86%) and Liberal Quaker (86%). Dead last is Jehovah’s Witness (17%).

Back to talking about me. I have been living with this body for nearly twenty-six years. I’ve never even had an out-of-body experience. I have been residing in this (attractive, remarkable) flesh without interruption for more than a quarter of a century. One would think I’d know it pretty well by now.

But I have recently discovered some new muscles. One new discovery is in my inner thigh. Another is on my outer calf. I know they say yoga leads to self-discovery, but I didn’t realize it was so literal.

Let me sum this up in one word: owie.

My whole body is sore. It’s a good kind of sore. I’m very pleased to be acquainted with heretofore unrealized body parts. The ache feels good in a limber stretchy kind of way.

But I could really go for a full body massage right now. It doesn’t have to be sexual. Wouldn’t complain, but that’s not what I’m shooting for. I want a full-body rub. If I don’t get one soon, expect to see a dramatic increase in the local population of toads.

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One response »

  1. I took the quiz. Apparently, I’m 100% a Secular Humanist. That’s no surprise. What surprised me was how UU appeared above nontheist, since I identify myself as an atheist. You would think a theistic belief would be critical to UU in some way, but I guess not.

    Reply

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