ALA mode

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It is with great regret that Jessica Kennedy-Rockefeller announces that her blog will not be updated for several days, perhaps a week. Aside from her typical responsibilities (rescuing African orphans, replanting the rain forests, bringing peace to the Middle East, and single-handedly reversing global warming), she has additional duties this week in her official profession, librarianship. For instance, she has to write a rough draft of a book proposal for the second book she’s planning to write. It is due tomorrow and she has not even started. She would be working on it right now, but she realizes her obligation to her legions of fans, who would be devastated without a blog posting to tide them over.

Already this week she has had a feature article published in Readers Advisor News. It was very favorably mentioned by ricklibrarian, though of course that is to be expected. Ms. Kennedy-Rockefeller wishes to make it very, very clear that this man is not delusional. He is not, repeat not, suffering from any misapprehensions. Absolutely everything he expressed, explicitly and implicitly, is completely reasonable.

The rumor that Ms. Kennedy-Rockefeller is professionally inexperienced and virtually unknown, that she is simply very lucky to happen to work daily with several superstars of the library world, that she is essentially a great big fraud—it is a lie, a damnable lie. There is no truth to the rumor whatsoever. If she were not so reluctant to jeopardize her Nobel Peace Prize, she would wish to see the rumor-mongers drawn and quartered.

Later this week, Ms. Kennedy-Rockefeller will be attending the annual conference of the American Library Association. As in all other facets of her life, Ms. Kennedy-Rockefeller will divide her time at ALA between gracing others with her presence at social events and working selflessly to better the profession.

On Friday evening, for example, she will be dining at a restaurant where the average meal costs the same as a week’s pay. She thanks God she will not be footing the bill. She is wondering if she can get into the restaurant wearing an outfit composed of thrift store finds (total value: $5), including a flattering brown ecru top and a white hausfrau skirt with blue flowers. Or at least it was white, until she washed it with an orange skirt. Now it is a hausfrau skirt with blue flowers and an inconsistent pink tinge. She had thought the orange skirt was too old to bleed in the laundry. Yet who would have thought the old skirt to have had so much blood in it?

Ms. Kennedy-Rockefeller will also be blogging the RA sessions at the conference. Her faithful readers will not find these inspired, poignant summaries at this website, but rather at the all-new Reader’s Advisor Online Blog. She fervently hopes that her four-year-old laptop does not die a sudden death, as it has been threatening to. She knows it will not go gentle into that good night. Everyone will kindly keep his or her fingers crossed.

Besides the myriad requests for the pleasure of her company, and her goal to blog as many RA sessions as possible, Ms. Kennedy-Rockefeller will also be visiting with vendors and attending other sessions. Because she is, after all, an Electronic Resources Librarian, it would make sense for her to go to some technology sessions, though frankly she is sick and tired of 2.0. Maybe there will be some comfortable, pleasantly dull database sessions. Nothing trendy. If she hears one more word about flickr or YouTube she will scream. She has nothing against online social networking trends, but they have become so (belatedly) fashionable among libraries that now every other presenter at conference is trying to get on the 2.0 bandwagon.

Alas, Mr. Kennedy-Rockefeller must stop writing now to get her beauty sleep, though she is quite beautiful enough already, thank you very much. It was just a figure of speech. She has to rise early to meet with Hairdresser Jeff who, God willing, will do something with the purple mop on her head.

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