And with an hour and twelve minutes to spare!

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C’est fini.

The euphoria hasn’t quite kicked in yet. Actually, I think I’m in shock. This may actually be true. I think I may be in shock.

Oh readers, it has been painful being away from you these weeks. I missed the chance to tell you about the Tick That Would Not Die (followed the next day by its two companions, The Bride of the Tick That Would Not Die and Revenge of the Bride of the Tick That Would Not Die). I didn’t get to tell you about the Mouses That Would Not Die Who Had the Audacity to Invade Us at Work.

I wasn’t able to give you a blow-by-blow account of how many pairs of clean undies I have left. I haven’t had time to do laundry since April 5th. I was getting nervous toward the end there, hoping against hope I could finish the manuscript before I ran out of underoos. Everyone will be delighted to know that I have three clean pairs left. Now these are the boring, ugly, unflattering underwear that no one should ever have to see, but then again that’s not really a danger these days so nevermind.

Incidentally, I’ve been coming up with some REALLY creative outfits for work recently.

Can’t do laundry tomorrow. Yoga tomorrow. Tuesday, though, it’s gonna be me and about five hampers with a good book at the laundromat. Does that sound like a fun time or what?

So: the ook-bay. Except… gee! We can talk about it now!

Ahem: The Book. The first draft is complete. Finished at 10:48 p.m., a full one hour and twelve minutes before the date of the deadline. I was never worried for a minute.

Been working on this thing for, oh, ten months now. Evenings, weekends, certain early mornings, and eighty fucking hours of vacation that I’ll never see again—all of that has gone into the creation of 622 pages, seven chapters, six hundred annotations, God-knows-how-many secondary annotations (seven hundred? eight hundred? I don’t feel like counting), 371 subject headings, an appendix, a book introduction, seven three-part chapter introductions, seven two-part chapter conclusions, and a bunch of mid-chapter subgenre introductions.

I am now ready to resume interacting with human beings. It is quite conceivable that I will start replying to emails again, I should be able to communicate in person without yelling, and—as we can so clearly see—I am ready to start writing lameass blog postings again. (You missed them. Don’t lie to me. You missed them.)

In conclusion, I present a spoof of my own book, so you can get a feel for the sort of drudgery I’ve been toiling over. This is the kind of thing I wrote, six hundred times over:

Kennedy-Rockefeller, Jessica.
Women’s Nonfiction: A Guide to Reading Interests. Westport, Conn.: Libraries Unlimited, 2009. 331pp. ISBN 0123456789012.

In this fascinating, thought-provoking annotated bibliography, renowned librarian Kennedy-Rockefeller introduces us to an impressive six hundred Women’s Nonfiction books. With her insightful, nuanced, frequently witty observations, Kennedy-Rockefeller discusses the titles, illuminating the appeal factors that will speak to various types of readers. In thematic chapters such as “Women’s History” and “Feminism and Leadership,” she explores current, popular, accessible books that consider women from a variety of backgrounds, from lesbians and racial minorities to working women and political leaders. Both fun and informative, this is essential reading for anyone interested in the emerging genre of Women’s Nonfiction.
Subjects: Women’s Nonfiction – Reading – Annotations
Now try: Those interested in the broader area of nonfiction would do well to turn to The Real Story: A Guide to Nonfiction Reading Interests, by Sarah Statz Cords. In fact, we may as well admit that Kennedy-Rockefeller emulated Cords’s book in every conceivable way possible. Readers may also wish to turn to Read on– Fantasy Fiction: Reading Lists for Every Taste which, believe it or not, is a really funny and entertaining book. Seriously. Also, the author, Nebuchadnezzar, is the father of Kennedy-Rockefeller’s cat.

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6 responses »

  1. Huzzah! Now I can loan you a book in good conscience being assured that I am not enabling procrastination in any way.

    Reply
  2. Yippeee! Jessica’s back! Congratulations! And I had no idea that some people owned that many pairs of undies.

    Reply
  3. Weeeeeeeeeee!!! Welcome back to Real Life (as opposed to Book Writing Life of DOOM)!

    Reply
  4. Replying to emails is in the cards again, hm? Thanks heavens. I was about to *die*!

    Reply
  5. YAY YAY YAY for Jessica K-R!Huzzah, three cheers, hip hip, etc.Glad to hear you’re done. Also glad to hear my book, the format of which I rather freely lifted from Nancy Pearl’s Now Read This, was helpful. Here’s to emulation in the service of writing reference books!

    Reply
  6. eleemosenary archivist

    With expectations that yr reference Tome will be marketed craftily enough to encourage males of the species to investigate(early in life),how the mother gender looks at life. regards & out-4-now(oh yeah,Congrats on desequestration)EA/tgb

    Reply

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