Can’t judge a book…

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The nice folks at Libaries Unlimited have faith in me. This is heartening. They are certain that I will have the time, the patience, and the sheer moral fortitude to finish indexing and copyediting by August 30. I know this because of the Amazon page featuring Women’s Nonfiction: A Guide to Reading Interests.

Do note that you can place your pre-order now. At a mere $55 per book, these will make excellent Christmas presents. Start your holiday shopping now! Please also remember other gift-giving holidays such as Thanksgiving, Halloween, birthdays, Labor Day, Columbus Day, and Thursdays.

I fully expect that everyone clicked on that Amazon link like they were supposed to. Failure to have done so constitutes immediate, irrevocable termination of any friendship, feelings of goodwill, or benevolent tolerance between the reader and me. For those of you who chose this inadvisable course of action, or rather inaction, I present to you the cover art (but remember: we are no longer on speaking terms, you and I):

“So what do you want for a book cover?” my editor asked.

“Oh, I’m not picky,” I said. I am an easy-going spirit. “How about a group of women of various races? Or if it has to be just one woman, that’s fine, just don’t let her be white. I’d like to suggest inclusivity.”

So here we have a picture featuring one white woman. Also on that Amazon page, and I KNOW everyone clicked on it, we see a blurb about the book. Attentive readers will see that my last name is misspelled. Sigh.

Nonetheless, I am pleased to see the book cover. It means, most likely, that there will in fact be a book. You can pre-order with confidence.

Now I expect that most of you—those I still count as friends, I mean—most of you will be inclined to congratulate me. To facilitate this process, I present to you a fun, interactive quiz:

How to Congratulate Jessica Now That Her Book Is On Amazon:

1. Which of the following is acceptable?

A.) “I know it was a lot of work, but don’t you think it’s worth it, now that you see the Amazon page?”
B.) “So when are you going to write another?”
C.) “That’s nice and all, but considering all the work you put into it, you must be exhausted. How about I do your laundry and empty the litter box, give you a break? I might help you with your other extant writing projects, while I’m at it.”

Answer: C.

 

2. “Fantastic,” you say. “Let me buy you a drink ___________”:

A.) When the book is published
B.) When Jessica completes the indexing and copyediting
C.) Now. Right now.

Answer: C.

3. “And not just a drink,” you continue. “Please permit me the pleasure of also buying you dinner at _______”:

A.) Nawab, for the Indian food
B). Das Waldcafe, for the German food
C). Sacred Grounds, for the healthy food and the artsy hippie atmosphere

Answer: Either A or B. Unfortunately, Sacred Grounds is closing. This is a national tragedy.

4. With fifty-five dollars, you could buy

A). Groceries for a week
B). My book
C). One hundred and ten paperback books at the library booksale

Answer: B.

….If you answered all of the questions correctly, you can level-up to the next quiz, Exactly What Type of Drink Should One Buy for Jessica? Contact me for details.

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5 responses »

  1. I’ll congratulate you when you have a finished, published, hard copy of the book in your hands because after that point, you won’t have to stress about doing any more work on it whatsoever. 😀 The Amazon page is pretty sweet, though. U IS AUTHOR NAO OMGZ YEY! O_O

    Reply
  2. eleemosenary arcihvist

    "Cogito ergo sum";but the sum of all da brain-baking eye-strainin labor will indeed be thine own name on the cover and the satisfaction of knowing that many a literati will smile wryly at the stylish prose while seeking a good read(even if they started out looking for some sort of 60’s type feminist lore)Only prior fiscal obligations to next-of-kin prevents an immediate prepublication purchase, Drinks and dinner are presumed to be part of the celebratory package at which all of your faithful readers fete the authoress.Lawrence of Arabia did that with Getrude Bell.Gertie Stein did that to Hemingway,Wilder et al right? Greetings,EA/tgb

    Reply
  3. Oooh! I smell a collector’s item. I’ll take 50, and in 18 years, I expect that their resale value will send Juggy to college.

    Reply
  4. the lesbrarian

    Cara and E. Archivist:Thanks! And now I think you should both follow the example of Lafriend by purchasing 50 copies. This is an incredibly intelligent investment idea, especially when you consider that any of the copies you buy will be first editions, and that the author will graciously sign all of them.

    Reply
  5. eleemosenary archivist

    You could include some of Prachett series as "non-fiction" in an extra English-vs-American anthroplogy category.Nanny Weatherwax Wyrd et al make allusions to Shakespeare and speak in gen-u-ine dialect,or? OK put me down for 50 copies. The check is in the mail(ha); gonna distribute them in the Senate;mebee there’s a subvention going around.EA/tgb

    Reply

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